an apology is sweet, but bitterness finds the girl

:) it's been 22 weeks

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:06:44 GMT

i just got nudged so i decided to post!!

i'm having a drink and watching a movie with the roomie and friends. it's fun times

i'm still at red lobster, just hit 3 years a few months ago. i'm bartender most of the time now so that is really nice. i'm still single. i've had a few prospects but they all ended up just sucking! my favorite men are still in my life, i heart my guys!!

i have emotions running me ragged lately cause i just don't know what i want to be feeling and what i should be feeling! it's so confusing! yippee

this saturday i'm going to the biggest party ever. it's called party like a rockstar and i'm going dressed up as janis joplin. i'm so excited. my roomie is going to be gwen stefani. drinking, corn hole tournament and karaoke. so much fun fun fun!!

i don't know what else to say right now, i need to go put new pics up on myspace!!

later

random

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 23:59:41 GMT

what is up everyone??

i just got back from the parade downtown and dinner with my mom and stepdad and his daughter. it was fun, i got my picture taken with spongebob.

yeah i'm a dork!!

tuesday my roomie and i are having a pre-thanksgiving dinner at our apartment. there is going to be around 20 people here. everyone is bringing stuff and we're going to play games! i'm so excited. so many of my friends can't go home for thanksgiving. it's pretty much a red lobster dinner cause 90% of the people work with me there. should be interesting.

i'm still having relationship issues but that's just the way i am! it's crazy, but i've been writing quite a bit thanks to all the crazy emotions going through me! i might post some of them later cause i actually like some of them!

alright that's all for now

i'm still alive

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 04:02:03 GMT

hi there, i know it's been awhile since i've been on here but i'm a boring person so i thought i would spare you the boredom!!

yeah so i love the new apartment, it's getting comfy and i'm getting it ready for christmas!! yeah i put up some christmasy stuff tonight, i need to go get a christmas tree. we might get a real one, but katie will be in charge of keeping it alive. LOL!!

ok well speaking of christmas i am getting my christmas card list together. so if you know me at all you know that i managed to lose all the addresses i collected last year! plus i think a few people have moved.

oh and a small update on me...i'm still single, still working at the lobster, and still out of my mind!!

just random thoughts and ramblings

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 17:43:13 GMT

ugh i'm so tired! just wanted to say HELLO! i'm moving on the 31st of this month, i'm going across town to a better apartment and i will have a roomie! oh yeah it's gonna actually be cheaper for me! rock on!!! 2 bedroom, 2 bath, washer/dryer, pool, fitness center, tennis courts!! yay so excited. plus it's closer to work and closer to all my friends

i haven't worked this much since last christmas season. 42 hours this week!! my manager said he had my back on the overtime and that i wouldn't get in trouble. we're supposed to be written up if we get overtime unless it's approved. yeah, it's fun times. but last night i was bartender. i've never been that busy behind the bar. we actually ran out of bud light at one point and had to make a manager do a BEER run(to the bar cooler, which is on the complete opposite end of the restaurant)! but i had fun and forgot what it was like to work 12 hour days!

sat at a friend's house last night and drank pineapple rum with diet mt. dew (very good by the way)!! we also played some guitar hero, i rocked out some "carry on wayward son"!!! oh yeah 91% baby!!! yeh i love that game. then we just sat and talked and gossiped for the next 2 hours! GREAT times! i'm a dork

:) okie dokie talk to you all later

ohhh look!!!

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 00:47:52 GMT

Hey there, i made a new header. it isn't fantastic but i was tired of the other one!!!

hi

hello

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 00:26:48 GMT

how is everyone??

i have my computer back(again) yeah remind me to never personally buy a DELL.

i have seen the new harry potter twice(once in IMAX), good movie, but as always the book was better. the end battle in 3D rocked though!!!

i'm reading deathly hallows for the second time, very good book. i was disappointed in the epilogue, but most of the answers i wanted i have managed to get from a few interviews with JKR. oh yeah and then she's gonna eventually do an encyclopedia so that's cool!

everything has been alright lately. i'm still working like crazy at the lobster. should start my voyage through management training in the next few weeks. i'm bartending a lot more lately! i'm still single! woo! got a haircut yesterday, and then i colored it. I LOVE IT!!

on a sad note, a few weeks ago i found out that a guy i went to harlaxton with died at the beginning of the month. he was an awesome guy, unique and very talented. i saw him once after harlaxton and i hate to say haven't talked to him since. i heard stories about his craziness and music after haralxton. He will be missed!

all for now.

just a song

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 23:42:51 GMT

finally listened to this...had for weeks before i opened it. i like this song.

"Someday You Will Be Loved"
===Death Cab for Cutie===

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

Mon, 28 May 2007 08:59:55 GMT

yes i've noticed that i only post after 3 am and only when i can't sleep!

oh well!

i've been thinking lately about everything and everyone, i ran across my harlaxton poster tonight. the one that everyone signed, i got all teary-eyed and realized i've moved on and that sucks! i miss you all !!

i have kinda officially came out of the closet, i'm bi! i think i've known for quite awhile. if you knew me at all at UE you probably knew too. i distinctly remember a few people telling me life would be so much easier if i just came out already..jay i think that was you! haha!! anyways, i'm out to most of my friends and that's it! i haven't technically told my mom but all she has to do is look at my myspace!

i'm tired and rambling. sorry for that!!

i'm seriously considering moving to new orleans next summer/fall! the friend i stayed with last time i "lived" there wants to move back and wants me to be his roomie. it would be good for me, i think! i mean i would go crazy for the first few months cause i won't be able to see the people i see everyday, the friends that have helped when i didn't think anyone would be there! my adam's and my way way!! and my mal and anna! they get me through the day and leaving them would kill me!!

i miss all you guys too! i think about so many of you all the time. rachel and sara and jaya and corey and jen and jen and mackenzie...how could i not think about my hubby!!

oh and if you didn't know, i'm a Myspace fanatic. so if you have it, find me and add me cause i check it about 2000 times more than LJ(if you haven't noticed i barely get on here)

ok then, i have to wake up in like 4 and a half hours and spend like 10 hours at work! off to try and sleep again

life

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 08:13:30 GMT

blah
Category: Life

i really have no idea what i want to say in this but i need to say something. it's almost 2am and i don't want to go to sleep cause i know i just have to wake up.

i want to be happy again, i really do. i'm getting close. of course then i think about whether i was as happy as i thought i was. how many times do i just want to lay down and cry. why? i never have a reason that i can actually put into words, i just do it.

i hate being hurt, but most of all i hate when my friends get hurt becasue of something that has to do with me. it's amazing how little drama there would be in my life right now if i would have made a few different choices just a few months ago.

good news though is that my brother is moving to evansville with sarah and the doggie and the kitty! i missed my brother. i love that he's happy again.

Oh and more good news, Squirl came to see me today. she got me out of the house and we talked. we gossiped casue that's what i seem to be good at lately, yeah! it's amazing how much she knows about a place she doesn't work at anymore, she knew shit i didn't even know.

jason and me with help from anna have decided on my new tattoos. they are going to be so frikkin' cute and so me!!

none

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 05:01:03 GMT

hey i colored my hair tonight....burgundy again. i like that color!

umm nothing much to talk about. work is driving me crazy as usual. still single. i'm going to be an aunt again. my other brother might be getting married...again!!

ok going to watch Marie Antoinette now.

Night

hi there

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 05:11:32 GMT

just got home from work not that long ago, it was a long and very tiring day and night!!! yeah, but i did get my vacation check today, damn taxes kill ya every time.

tomorrow is my mom's birthday! yay for birthdays! going to lunch with a friend then home for cake! she's going to celebrate all weekend cause that is what rockstars do!!!!!

going to friday's tomorrow night, gonna meet a friend there who i haven't seen in years. should prove to be interesting.

ummm...what else should i talk about?? ohh i'm hungry

if anyone knows where i can get the free paint shop pro, let me know!! thanks!

long time no post

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 03:58:38 GMT

hey guess what?? i think i'm back for now!! i know i was gone for quite some time!!

too much crap has been going on and i'm glad to back here where i know there are people who listen and it's crazy just like me!!

well for a real quick update...i am still at red lobster and still single. that's about it!!

anyway i will try to catch up on everything from everyone but there are no promises!

hey there long time no post

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 03:22:49 GMT

yeah so i put up my chrsitmas tree and got out my christmas cards!!

if you would like to have love from me sent to you i need your address!

comments will be screened!

stole it from rachel!

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 04:08:33 GMT

A - Available: yes
A - Age: 24...2 months till i'm 25
A - Alcoholic: on most occassions

B - Best feature: eyes
B - Beer: ohh i just tried a Wicked Pete's Strawberry pale ale
B - Birthday: december 18th

C - Crush: tee heee i can't tell you that cause then you'd tell him
C - Candy: chocolate, gummies

D - Day or night: both
D - Dream Car: i don't drive but i would like a truck, a pretty black one with pink and black interior!! rock on!
D - Dream Relationship: trust, honesty, love, spontaneity, unconditional, compassion, personality...i don't ask for too much

E - Egg nog: as long as it is made right
E - E-mail: nifty thing

F - Favorite Color(s): blue, pink, black
F - Favorite Band: don't have one fave....but at the moment i'm loving PiNK, rusted root, and 30 seconds to mars
F - Favorite Food: mexican, italina, seafood, ukranian, and greek

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: bears ilike to bite their heads off
G - Giver or taker: both

H - Height: 5'8-ish"
H - Happiness: is a two way street
H - Heads: tails

I - Ice Cream: mint chocolate chip or starbucks coffee
I - Instrument: i used toplay the clarinet
I - Idol: my mommy

J - Jewelry: my engagement ring from James and my class ring are my faves
J - Job: the lobster
J - Jail: not for me

K - Kids: are so cute, as long as they aren't mine
K - Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing
K - Kindergarten: finger painting

L - Longest Car Ride: evansville to new orleans and then back!!!
L - Lust: gets me in trouble
L - Love of your life: don't know

M - Meat: chicken chicken
M - Most missed peron: rachel and Blair
M - Movie Last Watched: mani suck, i can't rememeber

N - Number of Siblings: 2
N - Number of Tattoos: 1

O - One wish: to be loved
O - One regret: live life without regret

P - Part of your appearance you like best: my eyes
P - Perfectionist: on certain things

Q - Quick or Slow: slow
Q - Quick... something random: king of queens make me laugh

R - Reason to smile: good drinks, great food, and great friends...thanks james and squirl
R - Reality TV Shows: project runway
R - Random...What do you think of when you think about sex? that i'm not getting any

S - Song Last Heard: i really can't remember
S - Season: fall and spring....but mainly fall!!
S - Shoes: none right now

T - Time you woke up: 7am
T - Time you went to bed: 1:30am-ish
T - Time Now: 10:46
T - Time for bed: when i give in and pass out

U - Unpredictable: i try to
U - Underwear currently: black
V - Vegetable you love: CARROTS
V - Vacation: where we going?
V - Virgin: i can pretend

W - Worst habit: falling in love with gay men!!
W - Where are you gonna travel next? hopefully to chicago to see my RACHEL
W - Weather: rain rain go away

X - X-tra special someone: i don't have one right now but i have a two new crushes at work
X - X-rays: have had too many

Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow: mello

Z - Zoo Animal: OTTER i have a cute pic of an otter if you wanna see!!
Z - Zodiac Sign: saggie baby

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 06:53:21 GMT

the funeral was this morning. it was one of the toughest things i have ever done. they know how he died but it's still up in the air on whether it was suicide or not. i met his mom and dad, his sister, and the horrible cold evil woman who considered herself his fiance. he was surrounded by everything he loved, his guitar, his music, a ton of chicago bears stuff and his frineds from work. Guns 'n Roses were playing during the viewing. i started laughing when i walked into the room. i lost it a few times and if my friends weren't there i would've lost it and never foud myself again. we went out to eat before we all had to go back to work, and most of us drank (robert would've wanted us to hahahaha) i get home tonight after a 13 hour day and sign on to yahoo messenger....yeah Robert's name was signed on and i couldn't help but cry again cause he would've more thatn likely been on. i just wish so hard that i would've seen or heard that stupid message go through, i wish i could've truly said bye, i wish he would've known how much he will be missed and how much we just loved him. i will never be able to hear the song "silver bells" again without wanting to just cry and remember him.

hahaha he just signed off. yay guess who won't be sleeping for the third night in a row?? yayerific!

guess who is still awake??

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 06:03:51 GMT

i tried to go to sleep but i couldn't stop crying so here i am again. doug is talking to me so that makes me smile.

tonight is not he night i wanted to sleep alone

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 04:34:59 GMT

i found out yesterday that a friend of mine that i work with died tuesday night. Everyone at work is 99% sure that he committed suicide. the funeral is saturday and i will be there. i have to go in between a 9:30 meeting and a 2pm shift and it's in princton. i don't care though. i miss him so much already and it's only been since monday since i saw him. he sent me a text message the night he died, asking why he would be mad at me. i'm afraid to listen to my media player cause 80% of my songs were from him ... it took everything i had today not to cry every 20 minutes. i said i couldn't cry cause i wasn't wearing water-proof mascara! silly me! all i can think is why didn't i have my phone turned on so i could've heard his message? i just wanted to at least say good bye! i hate knowing that i didn't say bye.

but i did come home tonight to a clean house. mark did the dishes, took out the trash, vacuumed and even rearranged a bit. man do i love him.

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 02:51:17 GMT

hey is anyone going to Laura's wedding? if anyone is going and has a car please let me know and i'll go with you and share gas money. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't sleep

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 05:30:25 GMT

so i decided to put all my cd's in their right cases while i was looking for my damien rice "o" cd. i can't find my damien rice cd! it has disappeared. i need that cd. that cd makes me happy and without it i might finish the trip to insanity that i've been on the last few days! i have no idea where it could be. must replace it somehow, some way, and very quickly!!!

anyway, i closed at work tonight and have to open in the morning and so of course this is a night where i lay in bed and just can't fall asleep. yippee.

i might go listen to badly drawn boy instead.

must find damien rice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

night

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 21:14:21 GMT

oh ok then, we had a meeting at work yesterday morning. mark was there, he was ok. then he doesn't come into work. i was asked to try and get a hold of him all night by my managers. so much for thinking only several servers knew about us. anyway, all he tells me is that he's ok. well that makes me worry evenmore cause he won't tell me why he didn't show up or where is was or who he was with. argh. then i talk to him when i get home last night and he tells me not to worry and that he might come over tomorrow to see me. he doesn't show up for work this morning either. so yeahi will have another night of questions ahead of me and i'm not looking forward to it. he's more than likely fired unless he comes up with one helluva story. i doubt he still has a job or that he wants it anyway, that place was breaking him down and i can see why! what hurts the most is that i can't do anything to help him right now. well that and the fact that he still thinks he's alone. i guess he's been alone so long he's not ready to see that i'm here. and on the other hand there's me who has been alone for so long i don't want to let him go when i just got him! argh sorry for another post about this crappy-ass situation. thanks for all your hugs!!!

i don't know

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 05:23:59 GMT

he hates his life right now. he needs to work through this, i'll always be in his heart, he's scared, and yet i'm the one alone and crying right now. he wants to be alone right now, he wants to work through this by himself. he said he didn't know what i oculd to help him. i wish he knew that he could talk to me, he won't talk to me. i don't know if this means we're done for now and will try to see where things go. he said things happen for a reason and that i will always be in his heart. i told him i was scared too and that i would hate my life if he wasn't in it. he's been there for 7 months now and i don't want to start over. it just hurts, i'm confused and haven't quit crying for a good hour. i will see him tomorrow and i might try to talk to him but i don't know if i'll be able to even look at him without wanting to cry.

i'm afraid he's gonna leave and never come back. i won't be able to handle that. i just won't be able to!

today was ok

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 03:03:18 GMT

i got a new desk and rearranged my livingroom.
i found $100 in a coffee cup today!
got my step-dad's old desk chair (instead of the rickety kitchen chair).
talked to my dad and my brother.
dad got his father's day card way sooner than i ever would've thought, high five to the postal service.
no softball game cause no one will be there, not even the coach, that means no annoying over-competitive drunk co-workers for me to put up with at 1am.
because of the above Mark is on his way over, i think he's going to paint my toenails. he always makes them so so so cute.

yes so today was a good day off.

mark makes me so amazingly happy.
here you go, i want to be like rachel and share...

ok then back to The Wedding Planner!

small update

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 05:41:46 GMT

i am going to murder my downstairs neighbor if they don't turn off the stereo, or at least turn down the volume~!!

i fell down my stairs yesterday before work. yeah i stepped down and realized it was a cat and not a stair so by time i could figure out what to do i was flying down the entire flight of stairs. yeah i'm covered in bruises and swollen, and rug burn on my hand. yeah i'm smart. tee heee.

mark and i doing greattastic by the way~!!!

: )

Wed, 31 May 2006 01:02:25 GMT

hey there, last comic standing is greatness. theo from road rules made it through to the semifinals. he's actually funny!!! just letting you know!

Tue, 30 May 2006 22:18:05 GMT

You are the woman that I've always dreamed of -
I knew it from the start.
I saw your face and that's the last I've seen of my heart.
It's not so much the things you say to me;
It's not the things you do;
It's how I feel each time you're close to me
That keeps me close to you. Whoa-oh…
You are the woman that I've always dreamed of -
I knew it from the start.
I saw your face and that's the last I've seen of my heart.
It's not so much your pretty face I see;
It's not the clothes you wear;
It's more that special way you look at me
That always keeps me there. Whoa-oh…
You are the woman that I've always dreamed of -
I knew it from the start.
I saw your face and that's the last I've seen of my heart.

It's hard to tell you all the love I'm feelin' -
That's just not my style.
You got a way to set my senses reelin'
Every time you smile. Whoa-oh…
You are the woman that I've always dreamed of -
I knew it from the start.
I saw your face and that's the last I've seen of my heart.
I saw your face and that's the last I've seen of my heart.
…of my heart.
Oh, oh. Of my heart